Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) How To Get My Teen to Talk

By ParentingMyTeen

As the parent of a teen, you may long for the days when you could hold your child on your lap and they were eager to talk, Those days may be long gone, but you can still find ways to get your teen to talk and really start to connect with your teen.

To many parents, their teen is a closed book and getting a teen to talk can be like trying to make the earth stop rotating. At times it seems impossible to get them to open up and talk about their lives. But talking to your teen and knowing about their lives is one of the best ways to protect them from danger. Spying and snooping around isn’t the best way to get that information either, it will only upset matters if your teen finds out.

Here are a few tips on how to get a teen to talk:

Start young. Keeping a relationship going with your child is easier than starting one when you haven’t had one before. You may find them trying to pull away once they hit a certain age; just keep at it.

Find common ground. To get your teen to talk, first search for things that you and your teen are both interested in. It’s easier to talk about something that you both have in common. That way, you can ask your child about a band’s new album rather than the same old “how was school?”

Be open to what they say. When you get your teen talking, don’t be surprised if they say some things you don’t like. Just be open to what they’re telling you instead of being judgmental. You can tell them you don’t approve of something without attacking them. If they feel comfortable talking about serious things, they’ll be more likely to come to you if they have a problem.

Spend more together. A recent study showed that many teens rate not having enough time with their parents as one of their top concerns. Many teens feel they can’t talk to their parents because they’re always at work or busy doing something else. We often forget to take time out from our hectic lives to pay enough attention to our kids. Some suggestions for spending extra time with your teen are:

Set up a specific time every week to spend time with your teen
Have dinner at the table with the whole family as often as possible
Work out or engage in a sport with your kids
Drive your teen to school instead of sending them on the bus
While your teen may be reluctant to talk to you at first, keep trying. Likely, you’ll eventually break them down and they’ll look forward to talking with you and spending time together.

www.helpyourteens.com

www.witsendbook.com

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Teen Depression

A Relentless Hope: Surviving The Storm of Teen Depression
By Gary E. Nelson

(Published by Cascade Books, an imprint of Wipf & Stock, a traditional publisher)


Depression and related illnesses threaten to wreck the lives of many teens and their families. Suicide driven by these illnesses is one of the top killers of young people. How do teens become depressed? What does depression feel like? How can we identify it? What helps depressed teens? What hurts them? How do families cope with teen depression?

In, A Relentless Hope, Dr. Nelson uses his experience as a pastor and pastoral counselor to guide the reader through an exploration of these and many other questions about depression in teens. He's worked with many teens over the years offering help to those confronted by this potentially devastating illness. The author also uses the story of his own son's journey through depression to weave together insights into the spiritual, emotional, cognitive, biological, and relational dimensions of teen depression. The book is written for those without formal clinical training, so it appeals to teens, parents, teachers, pastors, and any who walk with the afflicted through this valley of the shadow of death. Through careful analysis, candid self-revelation, practical advice, and even humor, this pastor, counselor, and father, reminds us God's light of healing can shine through the darkness of depression and offer hope for struggling teens and their families.

Dr. Nelson is available for speaking engagements, workshops, and interviews. See the contact page for information about reaching him. http://survivingteendepression.com/index.html

http://www.helpyourteens.com/

Parents Universal Resource Experts: Sue Scheff - Inhalant Abuse- Parents need to learn more

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Inhalant use is a major concern that parents need to learn more about. It is a growing problem among teens and parents need to understand the dangers involved and potentially tragic endings.

Visit http://www.inhalant.org/ for a vast amount of information.

Sue Scheff and Parents Universal Resource Experts - How to talk to your kids about sex, drugs and alcohol

By ParentingMyTeen.com




These are subjects you’ll want to talk about with your children before there is a problem. As a family, you can establish boundaries and consequences and come to a common understanding of what is acceptable.Sex: According to Advocates for Youth, statistics indicate that children who talk to their parents about sex are less likely to engage in high-risk behavior, such as having sex without condoms.

70.6% of teens who reported they didn’t feel comfortable talking to their parents had sex by age 17-19. That compares to 57.9% of teens who reported a close relationship.

It’s true. Not talking to your children about sex isn’t that likely to keep them from doing it. But the opposite is also true. Talking to them about it, isn’t more likely to have them engaging in sexual activity. If it means having sexually active children behaving maturely, talking things out can only help keep our kids safer.

If you think your child is already having sex, chat with them about it. Don’t get angry, but approach it in a calm and reasonable manner. Talk to them about your experiences and be honest. If your child has a boyfriend/girlfriend and things seem to be getting serious, start the conversation if you haven’t already. Above all, make sure they are being safe.

Drugs & Alcohol: Many professionals agree that when parents talk to their kids about drugs and alcohol, those discussions are very likely to shape the child’s attitude about those subjects.

Before you talk to your kids - educate yourself. Check with your local school, library or even look online for the straight facts about drugs and alcohol. Simply telling your kids, “Drugs and alcohol are dangerous,” isn’t going to be as efficient as truly illustrating the very real dangers of substance abuse. Try not to lecture, listen to what your kids have to say and really talk about the issues.

As always, keep it casual. If you spend time with your teenagers and keep the lines of communication open, bringing up the subject is much easier.

Signs of Drug & Alcohol Use: Look out for these tell-tale signs that your child might be using drugs or alcohol:

• Loss of interest in family and other usual activities.
• Not living up to responsibilities.
• Verbally or physical abusiveness.
• Coming home late.
• Increased dishonesty.
• Declining grades.
• Severe mood swings.
• Big change in sleeping patterns..

Understand that a lot of the above signs, especially near the top of the list, could mean a multitude things. Teenagers who are depressed can act in similar ways. When approaching your child, don’t be accusatory. Try to connect with them and see what’s really happening in their lives.

Additional Resources:

Teen Addiction

This anthology presents an examination of the causes of teen addiction and various proposals to reduce or solve the problem, as well as the personal narratives of teens struggling to overcome their addictions.

Sue Scheff: Many learning and behavior problems begin in your grocery cart!

The Feingold Program

Did you know that the brand of ice cream, cookie, and potato chip you select could have a direct effect on the behavior, health, and ability to learn for you or your children?

Numerous studies show that certain synthetic food additives can have serious learning, behavior, and/or health effects for sensitive people.
The Feingold Program (also known as the Feingold Diet) is a test to determine if certain foods or food additives are triggering particular symptoms. It is basically the way people used to eat before "hyperactivity" and "ADHD" became household words, and before asthma and chronic ear infections became so very common.

Read the entire article here.

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Parenting Kids Can Be Challenging

Connect with Kids is a comprehensive website that offers parenting articles, helpful tips for parents, parent forums and more. They also offer Parenting DVD's on a variety of subjects that affect our kids today. Whether it is Troubled Teens or how to raise successful kids - there is probably a DVD that can help you better understand the issues surrounding our kids today.

Click here for more information and a variety of Parenting DVD's.

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Education.com

http://www.education.com/ is a website that offers parents a wide variety of information for parent from toddlers to teens!

Check it out and learn more about parenting your individual child.

The Teens Years (13-18)

The Middle Years (6-12)

The Early Years (3-5)

What is education.com?

Education.com is an online resource for parents with kids in preschool through grade 12.On our site you can:

Search over 4,000 reference articles from the best and most authoritative sources across the web. From the NYU Child Study Center to the Autism Society of America, Reading is Fundamental to Stanford University School of Education, our Reference Desk brings the best information from the most trusted universities, professional associations, non-profit institutes, and government agencies together in one place.

Browse our online magazine for hundreds of ideas that take learning beyond the classroom and into your family’s everyday life. We cover topics across the parental spectrum-- from practicing fractions by baking cookies, to how to deal with ADHD, bullying, to navigating the parent-teacher conference.

Explore virtual neighborhoods where parents with similar interests or challenges connect to trade advice and share their experiences with one another—whether it’s about dyslexia or dioramas.

http://www.helpyourteens.com/

http://www.suescheff.com/

http://www.witsendbook.com/

Sue Scheff: Inhalant Abuse

Deliberate Misuse of Inhaler in 1/4 of Teens

We've had a few questions on the inhalant.org message board in the past months about teens potentially using their asthma medication to get high. One poster's friend had a daughter whose inhaler recently needed to be refilled every week when it normally was only refilled every two or three months. Another's stepson was misusing his asthma medication and "has been eating this pills as if they are M&Ms!"The University of Michigan News Service featured an article about a new study looking at the prevalence of inhaler abuse in teenagers. The study in question was performed by researchers at the U of M using 723 adolescents in thirty-two treatment facilities. The study reports that "nearly one out of four teens who use an asthma inhaler say their intent is to get high".

The lead author of the study, Brian Perron, declared that their findings "indicate that inhaler misuse for the purposes of becoming intoxicated is both widespread and may justifiably be regarded as a form of substance abuse in many cases."The study also found that teens that abuse inhalers are more likely to abuse other drugs as well as have higher levels of distress. They were also more "prone to suicidal thoughts and attempts than youths who did not misuse their inhalers to get high."From a survey of the study participants, "about 27 percent of youths who had been prescribed an inhaler used it excessively. In addition, one-third of all youths in the sample had used an asthma inhaler without a prescription."

So why would teens abuse their inhalers? What are the effects? The inhaler abusers said that they experienced positive feelings of euphoria, relaxation, and an increase in confidence.

The negative effects were "feeling more dizzy, headaches, rapid heartbeat, anxiety, irritability, and confusion."The most common misusers of their asthma inhalers were females and Caucasians.

Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff - Texting While Driving

Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff - Today parenting a teenager has many more concerns - drinking and driving is a major concern, and now we have to add texting and driving or talking on cell phones while driving. Here is a tipsheet parents need to review if they have a teenage driver in their house.

Click here for the article and tipsheet by Connect with Kids.

Sue Scheff - Parents Universal Resource Experts - Tough Love and Teens

As a parent advocate, I have heard many parents that turn to tough love as one of their last resorts to help their struggling teen.

Many cannot understand or grasp the concept of, tough love or "not enabling" the child to ruin or run the family unit.

Enduring life with a teen that is running the home can result in many uproars, conflicts, arguments, battles, and sometimes psychical and verbal abuse. Tough love is exactly that: Tough. Loving our children is unconditional, but we don’t have to like what they are doing or how they are destroying their lives.

There will come a time when a parent realizes enough is enough!

This is the time that they need the support from outside sources, such as a Tough Love support groups, along with professional intervention.

This does not reflect you as a parent, nor does it place blame on the family, it is the child that is making the bad choices and the family is suffering from it.

Many times tough love is simply letting go. Let the child make their mistakes and they will either learn from them or suffer the consequences. Unfortunately depending on the situation, it is not always feasible to wait until the last minute to intervene.

If you see that tough love is not working at home, it may be time to consider residential placement (placement outside the home). Quality Residential placements work with the entire family. Once the child is safely removed from the family, everyone is able to concentrate on the issues calmly and rationally.

Tough love can mean finding the most appropriate setting outside of the home for your child. While in the whirlwind of confusion, frustration and stress that the child is causing, it is hard to see the actual problem or problems. With time and distance, the healing starts to occur.

Tough love is a very painful and stressful avenue, however in many families, very necessary and very rewarding. Tough love if used correctly can be helpful. However if you are the type to give in at the end, all the hard work of standing your ground will be for nothing.

Actually, your weakness or giving in could result in deeper and more serious problems. Please confer with professionals or outside help if you feel you are not able to follow through with what you are telling your child you will do.

Don’t be ashamed to ask for help, you are certainly not alone.

By Sue Scheff

Founder of Parents' Universal Resource Experts

Author of Wit's End!

Sue Scheff - Parents Universal Resource Experts - Screen Addicts

By Connect with Kids
Screen Addicts

New research shows that each week our children spend five hours online, six hours on the phone, eight hours playing video games, 12 hours listening to music, and 30 hours watching TV or movies. The American Medical Association reports that five million kids are addicted to videogames. This program explores the dangers in the technology that has overtaken our kids’ lives.

The profiles include four siblings constantly fighting over use of the family computer, a teenager whose addiction to online pornography started when he was 12 years old, and another teen who got hooked on Internet gambling and is now paying off $18,000 in credit card debt.

The program also examines choices parents can make about how to protect their children from these hazards; the research is clear that one parenting style is far more effective than several others.

Sue Scheff - Parents Universal Resource Experts - Military Schools

Does your child have a desire for Military School? Is your child an underachiever or lack motivation?· Does your child lack respect for Authority? Does your child make bad choices?· Does your child lack self-confidence and self-respect?

Military Schools and Academies offer a student the opportunity to reach their highest academic potential as well as build up their self-esteem to make better choices in today's society. We encourage parents to let their children know that Military Schools are a privilege and honor to attend and not for troubled children. Military Schools are not for punishment; they are a time for growth. With many students the structure and positive discipline that Military Schools offer are very beneficial. It not only encourages them to become the best they can be, it enhances them to grow into mature respectable young men and women.

Many students do not realize they would enjoy Military Schools until they actually visit the campus and understand the honor it is. Military Schools will give your child the vision to reach their goals and dreams for their future. The high level of academics combined with small class sizes creates a strong educational background.

Many ADD/ADHD students do very well in a Military School and Military Academy due to the structure and positive discipline. If your child is ADD or ADHD you may want to consider this type of environment. Many parents start with a summer program to determine if their child is a candidate for Military School.

Military Schools and Academies tuitions vary. Most start at $20,000.00 per school year. There is financing available through lenders and some scholarships. For more first hand information on Military Schools; please contact us directly at 954-349-7260.

Visit http://www.helpyourteens.com/

Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff - Standing Up for Your Child’s Educational Rights

Learn your child’s educational rights to get him the support he needs in the classroom.

In an ideal world, teachers and school administrators would be as eager as parents to see that children with ADD get what they need to succeed in school. Unfortunately, teachers are pressed for time as never before, and school districts are strapped for cash. So it’s up to parents to make sure that their kids get the extra support they need.

“The federal government requires schools to provide special services to kids with ADD and other disabilities, but the school systems themselves bear much of the cost of these services,” says Susan Luger, director of The Children’s Advisory Group in New York City. “Though they’ll never admit it, this gives the schools an incentive to deny these services. The process of obtaining services has become much more legalistic over the past 10 years.”

Click here for the entire article.

Sue Scheff (P.U.R.E.) i-Safe - Keeping Your Safe Online

i-SAFE Inc. is the worldwide leader in Internet safety education. Founded in 1998 and endorsed by the U.S. Congress, i-SAFE is a non-profit foundation dedicated to protecting the online experiences of youth everywhere. i-SAFE incorporates classroom curriculum with dynamic community outreach to empower students, teachers, parents, law enforcement, and concerned adults to make the Internet a safer place. Please join us today in the fight to safeguard our children’s online experience.
Click here for more information.

Sue Scheff - Parents Universal Resource Experts - Wit's End!

Buy today and ships within 24-48 hours! Click here to buy now.

Are you struggling with your teen or pre-teen? Do you feel you are losing control of your teenager? You are not alone - read "Wit's End!" From the same publisher that brought you Chicken Soup for the Soul book series, they now introduce "Wit's End" with the same hope and inspiration.

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Why Kids Lie?

By Connect with Kids

“When parents lie about their kids being a certain age so they get a cheaper price for the movies – that is a small, simple thing, but there are a lot of little examples like that, where kids see that adults fudge.”

– Dr. Tim Jordan, M.D., pediatrician

A survey by Penn State finds that 98 percent of teens say that lying is morally wrong. But in the very same survey, 98 percent say they’ve lied to their parents. Why do the same kids, who know lying is wrong, do it anyway?

“When I lie, I usually mainly lie to get out of something,” says Eric, 13.

“It’s like human nature. You can’t really stop yourself from lying sometimes,” says Annie, 12.

“I think in some cases, it’s okay. Like, I think if you don’t want to tell your parents, then that’s really none of their business,” says Caroline, 17.

Researchers at Penn State surveyed teens about lying on 36 different topics. Teens responded that they lied to their parents about 12 of these topics, including how they spent their money, what movie they went to, what they did after school, and whether they rode in cars with a drunk driver.

“I think in some ways they’re saying, ‘I need to have some secrets, I need to have some of my own private life, it’s important,’” says Dr. Tim Jordan, M.D., pediatrician.

Experts say that kids learn about lying from each other, and from adults.

“Like when parents lie about their kids being a certain age so they get a cheaper price for the movies, that is a small, simple thing, but there are a lot of little examples like that, where kids see that adults fudge,” says Jordan.

But if parents will repeat the right message over and over, says Jordan, eventually kids will learn about lying and right and wrong. In time, they’ll no longer hear just their parents’ voices, they’ll hear their own.

“I want kids to be able to think through things internally, because when they’re out in the world, that’s when they do most of their mischief,” says Jordan. “They have to have their own internal justice system established and I think that comes from inside the home, having a series of conversations over many, many years about right and wrong.”

Tips for Parents

All children lie once in a while – it’s part of growing up. Toddlers lie as a way to create their own fantasy world (i.e. “I have an imaginary friend.”); adolescents lie to re-invent themselves or to get out of trouble. Experts offer the following tips to help you talk to your children about honesty:

Set clear expectations and strive to meet them yourself.

Explain to the child that he will be respected more if he tells the truth than if he lies, even if the truth might make him feel uncomfortable or get him in trouble.

Talk to children about the difference between make-believe and reality, and about alternatives to lying.

Give children examples of why honesty is important. Show how lying has consequences.
When a child is caught lying, talk about the consequences, how she might have acted differently, and how she should act going forward.

Avoid browbeating and punishing when broaching the subject of dishonesty. Be firm but understanding, and let them know you expect the truth no matter what.

If it appears that a child has a serious problem with lying, seek professional help from a counselor, psychologist or psychiatrist.

Help your children practice being honest so that lying is not comfortable for them and is not a part of who they are.

References
Parenthood.com
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Parenting Children with ADHD

As a parent of an ADHD child, I know the struggles and frustrations I had endured as well as the rewards. Now there are so many new resources. ADDitude Magazine and websites offers volumes of fantastic and educational information for parent of ADD ADHD kids.

Visit their Parenting Forum.

http://www.helpyourteens.com/
http://www.witsendbook.com/

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Teenage Drugs and Drinking

Teen Drug Use and Teen Drinking also known as Substance Abuse amongst teens and even children.

With today's society, kids have access to many different substances that can be addictive and damaging. If you suspect your child is using drugs or drinking alcohol, please seek help for them as soon as possible. Drug testing is helpful, but not always accurate. Teen Drug use and Teen Drinking may escalate to addiction.

We get calls constantly, that a child is only smoking pot. Unfortunately in most cases, marijuana can lead to more severe drugs, and marijuana is considered an illegal drug. Smoking marijuana is damaging to the child's body, brain and behavior. Even though marijuana is not considered a narcotic, most teens are very hooked on it. Many teens that are on prescribed medications such as Ritalin, Adderall, Strattera, Concerta, Zoloft, Prozac etc. are more at risk when mixing these medications with street drugs. It is critical you speak with your child about this and learn all the side effects. Educating your child on the potential harm may help them to understand the dangers involved in mixing prescription drugs with street drugs. Awareness is the first step to understanding.

Alcohol is not any different with today's teens. Like adults, some teens use the substances to escape their problems; however they don't realize that it is not an escape but rather a deep dark hole. Some teens use substances to "fit in" with the rest of their peers – teen peer pressure. This is when a child really needs to know that they don't need to "fit in" if it means hurting themselves. Using drug and alcohol is harming them. Especially if a teen is taking prescribed medication (refer to the above paragraph) teen drinking can be harmful. The combination can bring out the worse in a person. Communicating with your teen, as difficult as it can be, is one of the best tools we have. Even if you think they are not listening, we hope eventually they will hear you.

If your teen is experimenting with this, please step in and get proper help through local resources. If it has extended into an addiction, it is probably time for a Residential Placement. If you feel your child is only experimenting, it is wise to start precautions early. An informed parent is an educated parent. This can be your life jacket when and if you need the proper intervention. Always be prepared, it can save you from rash decisions later.

A teen that is just starting to experiment with substance use or starting to become difficult; a solid short term self growth program may be very beneficial for them. However keep in mind, if this behavior has been escalating over a length of time, the short term program may only serve as a temporary band-aid.

Drugs and Alcoholic usage is definitely a sign that your child needs help. Teen Drug Addiction and Teen Drinking is a serious problem in today’s society; if you suspect your child is using substances, especially if they are on prescribed medications, start seeking local help. If the local resources become exhausted, and you are still experiencing difficulties, it may be time for the next step; Therapeutic Boarding School or Residential Treatment Center.

Visit http://www.helpyourteens.com/ or http://www.witsendbook.com/

Sue Scheff: What is Inhalant Abuse?

After receiving a heartwarming email from a parent that lost her precious son at a very young age to inhalant abuse (sniffing/huffing air freshener), as a parent advocate, I believe I have to continue to bring this awareness to all parents of teens and pre-teens. Many talk to their kids about the dangers of drug use, but please include inhalant use - you could save a life. - Sue Scheff

Inhalant abuse refers to the deliberate inhalation or sniffing of common products found in homes and communities with the purpose of "getting high." Inhalants are easily accessible, legal, everyday products. When used as intended, these products have a useful purpose in our lives and enhance the quality of life, but when intentionally misused, they can be deadly. Inhalant Abuse is a lesser recognized form of substance abuse, but it is no less dangerous. Inhalants are addictive and are considered to be "gateway" drugs because children often progress from inhalants to illegal drug and alcohol abuse. The National Institute on Drug Abuse reports that one in five American teens have used Inhalants to get high.

Inhalation is referred to as huffing, sniffing, dusting or bagging and generally occurs through the nose or mouth. Huffing is when a chemically soaked rag is held to the face or stuffed in the mouth and the substance is inhaled. Sniffing can be done directly from containers, plastic bags, clothing or rags saturated with a substance or from the product directly. With Bagging, substances are sprayed or deposited into a plastic or paper bag and the vapors are inhaled. This method can result in suffocation because a bag is placed over the individual's head, cutting off the supply of oxygen.

Other methods used include placing inhalants on sleeves, collars, or other items of clothing that are sniffed over a period of time. Fumes are discharged into soda cans and inhaled from the can or balloons are filled with nitrous oxide and the vapors are inhaled. Heating volatile substances and inhaling the vapors emitted is another form of inhalation. All of these methods are potentially harmful or deadly. Experts estimate that there are several hundred deaths each year from Inhalant Abuse, although under-reporting is still a problem.

What Products Can be Abused?

There are more than a 1,400 products which are potentially dangerous when inhaled, such as typewriter correction fluid, air conditioning coolant, gasoline, propane, felt tip markers, spray paint, air freshener, butane, cooking spray, paint, and glue. Most are common products that can be found in the home, garage, office, school or as close as the local convenience store. The best advice for consumers is to read the labels before using a product to ensure the proper method is observed. It is also recommended that parents discuss the product labels with their children at age-appropriate times. The following list represents categories of products that are commonly abused.

www.inhalant.org

www.helpyourteens.com

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) It's May Already! Summer Camp is Around the Corner!

It is the time of year that many summer programs are actually filling up!

Finding a good summer programs, such as Leadership Programs, can help your child build their self esteem to make better choices as well as motivate them to reach their highest potential.If your child is starting to struggling in school, whether it is peer pressure or other issues, you may want to consider summer alternatives.

CAMP FINDERS is a fantastic resource for parents and a free service to help you find the perfect camp to fit your child's interest.

Visit http://www.helpyourteens.com/

Parents Universal Resource Experts Founder - Sue Scheff - First Book, Wit's End! is Almost Here!

Sue Scheff is a parent advocate who founded Parents’ Universal Resources Experts, Inc. (P.U.R.E.) in 2001. She has been featured on 20/20, The Rachel Ray Show, ABC News, Canadian CBC Sunday News Magazine, CNN Headline News, Fox News, BBC Talk Radio, and NPR, discussing topics of Internet defamation as well as her work helping troubled teens and their families through her organization. To learn more about P.U.R.E. or visit www.helpyourteens.com and to contact the author, visit www.suescheff.com.