As a parent advocate, I continue to bring you information for today's teens. Please take a moment to review the following websites full of valuable information.
Teen Drug Prevention
Teen Suicide
Teen Cults
Teen Mischief
Teen Identity Crisis
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Sue Scheff Launches Two New Websites to Help Parents
As a Parent Advocate I believe in keeping parents informed and up to date on today's teens the the issues they face.
I have recently launched two new websites to bring you more information on the following subjects:
Teen Suicide and Teen Criminal Mischief
Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.
I have recently launched two new websites to bring you more information on the following subjects:
Teen Suicide and Teen Criminal Mischief
Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Parent's Universal Resource Experts and Sue Scheff: Coping with 18 Year Olds
“My 18 year old is out of control and I am at my wits end! What can I do?” – Anonymous Parent.
18 – 19 year old teens can be the most difficult to address simply because they are considered adults and cannot be forced to get help. As parents, we have limited to no control. Practicing “Tough Love” is easier said than done, many parents cannot let their child reach rock bottom – as parent’s, we see our child suffering – whether it is needing groceries or a roof over their head and it is hard to shut the door on them.
I think this is one of the most important reasons that if you are a parent of a 16-17 year old that is out of control, struggling, defiant, using drugs and alcohol, or other negative behavior – I believe it is time to look for intervention NOW. I am not saying it needs to be a residential treatment center or a program out of the home, but at least start with local resources such as therapists that specialize with adolescents and preferable offer support groups.
It is unfortunate that in most cases the local therapy is very limited how it can help your teen. The one hour once a week or even twice, is usually not enough to make permanent changes. Furthermore getting your defiant teen to attend sessions can sometimes cause more friction and frustrations than is already happening.
This is the time to consider outside help such as a Therapeutic Boarding School or Residential Treatment Center. However these parents with the 18-19 year olds have usually missed their opportunity. They were hoping and praying that at 16 – 17 things would change, but unfortunately, if not address, the negative behavior usually escalates.
In the past 7+ years I have heard from thousands of parents – and most are hoping to get their child through High School and will be satisfied with a GED. It is truly a sad society of today’s teens when many believe they can simply drop out of school. Starting as early as 14 years old, many teens are thinking this way and we need to be sure they know the consequences of not getting an education. Education in today’s world should be our children’s priority however with today’s peer pressure and entitlement issues, it seems to have drifted from education to defiance – being happy just having fun and not being responsible.
I think there are many parents that debate whether they should take that desperate measure of sending a child to a program and having them escorted there – but in the long run – you need to look at these parents that have 18-19 year olds that don’t have that opportunity. While you have this option, and it is a major decision that needs to be handled with the utmost reality of what will happen if things don’t change. The closer they are to 18 – the more serious issues can become legally. If a 17+ year old gets in trouble with the law, in many states they will be tried as an adult. This can be scary since most of these kids are good kids making very bad choices and don’t deserve to get caught up the system. As a parent I believe it is our responsible not to be selfish and be open to sending the outside of the home. It is important not to view this as a failure as a parent, but as a responsible parent that is willing to sacrifice your personal feelings to get your child the help they need.
At 18, it is unfortunate, these kids are considered adults - and as parents we basically lose control to get them the help they need. In most cases, which may be with your niece - if they know they have no other alternatives and this is the only option the parents will support, they will attend.
Parent's Universal Resource Experts
18 – 19 year old teens can be the most difficult to address simply because they are considered adults and cannot be forced to get help. As parents, we have limited to no control. Practicing “Tough Love” is easier said than done, many parents cannot let their child reach rock bottom – as parent’s, we see our child suffering – whether it is needing groceries or a roof over their head and it is hard to shut the door on them.
I think this is one of the most important reasons that if you are a parent of a 16-17 year old that is out of control, struggling, defiant, using drugs and alcohol, or other negative behavior – I believe it is time to look for intervention NOW. I am not saying it needs to be a residential treatment center or a program out of the home, but at least start with local resources such as therapists that specialize with adolescents and preferable offer support groups.
It is unfortunate that in most cases the local therapy is very limited how it can help your teen. The one hour once a week or even twice, is usually not enough to make permanent changes. Furthermore getting your defiant teen to attend sessions can sometimes cause more friction and frustrations than is already happening.
This is the time to consider outside help such as a Therapeutic Boarding School or Residential Treatment Center. However these parents with the 18-19 year olds have usually missed their opportunity. They were hoping and praying that at 16 – 17 things would change, but unfortunately, if not address, the negative behavior usually escalates.
In the past 7+ years I have heard from thousands of parents – and most are hoping to get their child through High School and will be satisfied with a GED. It is truly a sad society of today’s teens when many believe they can simply drop out of school. Starting as early as 14 years old, many teens are thinking this way and we need to be sure they know the consequences of not getting an education. Education in today’s world should be our children’s priority however with today’s peer pressure and entitlement issues, it seems to have drifted from education to defiance – being happy just having fun and not being responsible.
I think there are many parents that debate whether they should take that desperate measure of sending a child to a program and having them escorted there – but in the long run – you need to look at these parents that have 18-19 year olds that don’t have that opportunity. While you have this option, and it is a major decision that needs to be handled with the utmost reality of what will happen if things don’t change. The closer they are to 18 – the more serious issues can become legally. If a 17+ year old gets in trouble with the law, in many states they will be tried as an adult. This can be scary since most of these kids are good kids making very bad choices and don’t deserve to get caught up the system. As a parent I believe it is our responsible not to be selfish and be open to sending the outside of the home. It is important not to view this as a failure as a parent, but as a responsible parent that is willing to sacrifice your personal feelings to get your child the help they need.
At 18, it is unfortunate, these kids are considered adults - and as parents we basically lose control to get them the help they need. In most cases, which may be with your niece - if they know they have no other alternatives and this is the only option the parents will support, they will attend.
Parent's Universal Resource Experts
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Sue Scheff: Holiday Traditions by Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D.
“But we always have mixed nuts at Thanksgiving!”
“But we always have turkey for Christmas dinner!”
“But we always have the youngest child open the first Hanukkah present (this protested by the youngest)!”
“But we always go to grandma’s for New Year’s Day!”
Any parent who has ever tried to change anything on a holiday will hear a chorus of “always”. Do something two years in a row on a given holiday and you’re doomed to do it forever, or so it seems. If, like me, you thrive on novelty and change, the insistence of kids that you make every holiday a rerun can be exasperating. (I sometimes feel like I’m in that movie “Groundhog Day”, where the main character has to do the same day over and over until he gets it right.)
Oh, all right, I have to admit it… This is an overstatement. The truth is that I enjoy certain rituals as much as the next person. But the kids’ demands for continuity and sameness got me to thinking about what traditions associated with holidays are all about.
There seems to be something very basic in the human soul that craves some predictability and some recognition that we move in concert with the seasons. Name me a culture where there aren’t markers for the passing of time. I can’t think of any. We may do it differently — family to family, country to country, (planet to planet for all I know) - but, where there are people, there seems to be annual feast days, holidays, holy days, rest days. The need to ritualize them with predictable activities, foods, and/or objects seems to be universal.
My theory is that these markers of time are a fundamental way that we all have to make the unpredictability and stress of daily life bearable. At the most basic level, holidays give us some comfort and strength from the simple observance that we’ve ma de it once more around the calendar. On a more complex level, they provide a culturally sanctioned reason for everyone to stop, to take stock of ourselves, to acknowledge who we’ve chosen to be in our families and communities, to underline for ourselves how we are doing, to make new promises to self and others. There is no way for even the most jaded person to avoid it. To be cranky about a holiday and to decide not to observe it still observes it and brings to awareness ones relationship to others.
Kids intuitively understand all this complicated stuff. Sometimes what they latch on to as recognition of the event can be a little weird (like the mixed nuts) but the impulse to mark the passing of time with some kind of gathering and observance is a healthy one. Anything positive, done regularly, puts something important in the child’s internal “security bank”; emotional steadiness that can be drawn on in more difficult times. Kids may not be able to explain it but they do know they need it. It’s important that we understand that their requests for sameness aren’t just inconvenient foibles but are a reflection of kids’ legitimate needs for security.
As parents, we can do a great deal to make sure that that inner bank of love and security has a healthy balance by the time they leave our care. Family traditions around holidays are one of the means we have for letting children know that they are embedded in community, for witnessing their growth over time, and for passing on important cultural and family values.
I wish I had thought more about this when my kids were younger. As in most families, our rituals and yearly observances have evolved over the years into what they are and we certainly do repeat them, and, mostly, enjoy them. But if I had it to do over again, I might more consciously think about just what it is that I want my children to carry with them into adulthood as a statement of their family’s love and allegiances. My husband and I talk about it more. Gradually, we’re introducing some new things into our yearly rhythm: less reliance on gifts and a perfectly clean house, more time with the people who matter, more attention to each individual child’s development. If we do it gradually enough, and keep to some of our more obvious routines, perhaps the kids won’t notice that we’re trying to slip in some new rituals. If we get away with it two years in a row, we’ll have a new tradition.
P.S. And, yes, we’ll have mixed nuts every Thanksgiving.
Dr. Marie advises:
Holidays are not an “extra”. They are essential markers in the rhythm of life.
Embrace holidays. There are never enough reasons to celebrate life.
If you don’t like the commercialism that’s come to surround some holidays, make up your own traditions.
Be thoughtful about the values and traditions that you want to pass on to your children through your holiday activities.
Include your children in the planning, creating, cooking, story telling, gifting, visiting, etc. Kids who are part of it all will know how to carry it on when it is their turn.
“But we always have turkey for Christmas dinner!”
“But we always have the youngest child open the first Hanukkah present (this protested by the youngest)!”
“But we always go to grandma’s for New Year’s Day!”
Any parent who has ever tried to change anything on a holiday will hear a chorus of “always”. Do something two years in a row on a given holiday and you’re doomed to do it forever, or so it seems. If, like me, you thrive on novelty and change, the insistence of kids that you make every holiday a rerun can be exasperating. (I sometimes feel like I’m in that movie “Groundhog Day”, where the main character has to do the same day over and over until he gets it right.)
Oh, all right, I have to admit it… This is an overstatement. The truth is that I enjoy certain rituals as much as the next person. But the kids’ demands for continuity and sameness got me to thinking about what traditions associated with holidays are all about.
There seems to be something very basic in the human soul that craves some predictability and some recognition that we move in concert with the seasons. Name me a culture where there aren’t markers for the passing of time. I can’t think of any. We may do it differently — family to family, country to country, (planet to planet for all I know) - but, where there are people, there seems to be annual feast days, holidays, holy days, rest days. The need to ritualize them with predictable activities, foods, and/or objects seems to be universal.
My theory is that these markers of time are a fundamental way that we all have to make the unpredictability and stress of daily life bearable. At the most basic level, holidays give us some comfort and strength from the simple observance that we’ve ma de it once more around the calendar. On a more complex level, they provide a culturally sanctioned reason for everyone to stop, to take stock of ourselves, to acknowledge who we’ve chosen to be in our families and communities, to underline for ourselves how we are doing, to make new promises to self and others. There is no way for even the most jaded person to avoid it. To be cranky about a holiday and to decide not to observe it still observes it and brings to awareness ones relationship to others.
Kids intuitively understand all this complicated stuff. Sometimes what they latch on to as recognition of the event can be a little weird (like the mixed nuts) but the impulse to mark the passing of time with some kind of gathering and observance is a healthy one. Anything positive, done regularly, puts something important in the child’s internal “security bank”; emotional steadiness that can be drawn on in more difficult times. Kids may not be able to explain it but they do know they need it. It’s important that we understand that their requests for sameness aren’t just inconvenient foibles but are a reflection of kids’ legitimate needs for security.
As parents, we can do a great deal to make sure that that inner bank of love and security has a healthy balance by the time they leave our care. Family traditions around holidays are one of the means we have for letting children know that they are embedded in community, for witnessing their growth over time, and for passing on important cultural and family values.
I wish I had thought more about this when my kids were younger. As in most families, our rituals and yearly observances have evolved over the years into what they are and we certainly do repeat them, and, mostly, enjoy them. But if I had it to do over again, I might more consciously think about just what it is that I want my children to carry with them into adulthood as a statement of their family’s love and allegiances. My husband and I talk about it more. Gradually, we’re introducing some new things into our yearly rhythm: less reliance on gifts and a perfectly clean house, more time with the people who matter, more attention to each individual child’s development. If we do it gradually enough, and keep to some of our more obvious routines, perhaps the kids won’t notice that we’re trying to slip in some new rituals. If we get away with it two years in a row, we’ll have a new tradition.
P.S. And, yes, we’ll have mixed nuts every Thanksgiving.
Dr. Marie advises:
Holidays are not an “extra”. They are essential markers in the rhythm of life.
Embrace holidays. There are never enough reasons to celebrate life.
If you don’t like the commercialism that’s come to surround some holidays, make up your own traditions.
Be thoughtful about the values and traditions that you want to pass on to your children through your holiday activities.
Include your children in the planning, creating, cooking, story telling, gifting, visiting, etc. Kids who are part of it all will know how to carry it on when it is their turn.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Parent's Universal Resource Experts Continuing to be a voice for many.....
Since 2001 P.U.R.E. has helped thousands of families. As a Parent Advocate, I will continue to help educate parents on finding alternatives and resources to help them through difficult times. Learn from my mistakes and gain from my knowledge.
My first book will be released in 2008 - Wit's End which will be a book of my journey with my daughter, but more important for parents - advice and resources to guide you through the bumps of adolescents.
My first book will be released in 2008 - Wit's End which will be a book of my journey with my daughter, but more important for parents - advice and resources to guide you through the bumps of adolescents.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Sue Scheff continuing to be a parent advocate
I have created a Blog of articles that I am reading from a variety of newspapers regarding parenting teenagers. Click here for more information on teen depression, teen suicide, bullying, teen eating disorders and more.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Sue Scheff continuing to help others....
Recently I created a new Blog on a variety of Books that either I have read or parents have recommended. It is all about sharing information and opinion on getting us through rough times we are having with our teens and pre-teens.
Knowing that you are not alone can help you from feeling isolated in a feeling of hopelessness.
Knowing that you are not alone can help you from feeling isolated in a feeling of hopelessness.
Friday, September 7, 2007
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